Today I'm sharing "Pancake Talk Tuesday" with a friend who has issues with extremely high expectations. It's so unfortunate that we've been taught to beat ourselves and others up when the highest goal has not been met. We seem to have this win it all or nothing attitude when it comes to life. We have adults and children literally crying out for help, because they feel overwhelmed and under achieved. This is not a way to live. If we are told to be our best selves, then why on earth are we ever compared to others. If we learn to be simply ok with ourselves and didn't matter; Would we be happy?
Here is a little how the synopsis was set up: "I was thinking today, and realized that I really do have a lot of unrealistic and high expectations for everything, everyone, the world, and myself. Nothing ever lives up to them, and I am constantly disappointed and let down. I think because I keep searching for an answer, a solution or a magic wand that will fix everything, outside of myself, when I'm the one who has to fix myself and make the changes.I keep staying stuck in a rut right where I am, and I keep telling my self that as soon as I feel better, as soon as the anxiety goes away, that everything will go back to normal and that I will start doing things. I keep trying different things that are supposed to help my anxiety, but nothing seems to work. Maybe it's because I'm expecting everything else to do all the work and instantly fix me. I have such high expectations and standards for everything else but myself. I don't give myself enough credit, support, or have enough faith and belief and courage in myself. I can help empower others, but where it counts, I can never seem to lift myself up."
I’ve learned that the loving voice within, also known as our inner guide, has a bigger plan for us than we have for ourselves. I don’t know about you, but I want that plan!
As it turns out, right now you are exactly where you need to be. Phew.
The only thing you need to do in order to follow the path of your inner guidance is listen to it by releasing your judgments about what you think is happening. You don’t have to have everything figured out right now.
Get quiet and listen for guidance about what to do in this moment. Any advice coming from love will be something you can do now. The thought of doing it will make you feel lighter and excited.
When expectations rule our lives, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Then guess what? We judge ourselves harshly for it.
For example, I had a list of specific measurable goals for where I thought I should be when I graduated engineering school. When I finally did and realized I didn’t meet any of my goals, I felt disappointed and started telling myself I was a failure. Of course, this behavior got me nowhere.
Its important to relax more and judge yourself less. The most important thing I learned is to release my expectations about how I think my life should go, and approach life from a place of exploration. This opens you up to experiencing things that are beyond your wildest dreams. It’s okay to have goals, but make sure to leave room for something even greater to come along.
Maybe the most peaceful and quickest way to achieve something is a way you haven’t thought of yet. Be willing to go with the flow.
This requires trust. I learned that when I let go and trust I will receive everything I need, I always do. I often find myself saying at the end of the day, “Wow, this day was amazing and I had no plan, yet I accomplished everything I needed to.”
Explore through life knowing deep down that you are always guided to exactly where you need to be. Plus, doesn’t exploring sound like more fun than expecting?
If you are feeling disappointed, it’s because of the thoughts you have about the situation. So if you don’t want to feel disappointed, change your thoughts.
The first thing I do when I feel any disturbance to my peace of mind is say to myself, “I am determined to see this person/situation differently.” This is how you step into your power. Everything happens for you, not to you.
You’ll be amazed at the shifts in perception that occur when you become willing to release fear and see love instead.
When you focus on releasing the thoughts about how you imagined your life to be, your most loving, truthful self can come forward and guide you. There is nothing to figure out.
The key is managing your expectations. By managing your expectations, both our own and those of the people in our life, creates breathing room for our experiences, allowing us to live with more certainty and calm, encouraging less reactivity, avoiding upset and/or disappointment. We all have expectations of people, events, our work, the movies we go to, the restaurants we eat at. Most of the time our expectations live below our subconscious mind and we do not know we had the expectation until we are either happily surprised or disappointed.
Managing expectations does take time, however it will ultimately save you in time, energy and upset that may occur when expectations are not met.
Todays Pancakes: Strawberry Lemon Poppyseed Pancakes
for the syrup
- 1.5 cups strawberries, hulled and diced
- 1.5 cups sugar
- ½ cup water
- ½ teaspoon vanilla
- 1 tablespoon honey
for the pancake batter
- 1¼ cups all purpose flour
- 1½ tablespoons poppyseeds
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- ¼ teaspoon baking soda
- ¼ teaspoon salt
- ¼ cup sugar
- juice of 2 medium lemons
- 1 cup buttermilk
- ½ teaspoon vanilla
- 1 egg
- 1 cup strawberries, diced
- Prepare the syrup. Add strawberries, sugar, water, vanilla, and honey to a medium sauce pan and heat over medium heat stirring throughout until sugar is dissolved, remove from heat. Use an immersion blender to purree syrup (or you can transfer the mixture to a regular blended and then pulse for about one minute). When syrup is smooth with only small bits of strawberries left, allow to sit and thicken over very low heat until pancakes are ready.
- Preheat large nonstick pan or skillet over medium-low heat and spray with cooking spray. Prepare the pancakes. In a large bowl combine flour, poppy seeds, baking powder, baking soda, and salt and whisk until well mixed. In a medium bowl whisk together lemon juice and sugar. Add buttermilk, vanilla, and egg and whisk until smooth. Make a well in the middle of the dry ingredients. Pour dry ingredients into the well you just made. Whisk all ingredients until just incorporated (batter will be lumpy). Gently stir in the diced strawberries
- Pour ¼-1/3 cup batter onto preheated pan or skillet. When edges begin to look “dry” and bubbles form and burst in the batter, use a large spatula to flip pancake. Cook 1-2 minutes longer. Repeat with remaining batter. Serve warm with strawberry syrup and additional fresh strawberries and powdered sugar if desired.
NOTES *for the strawberries, this recipe calls for about 2 and a half cups. Just get a quart-sized container and split the strawberries in half between the syrup and the pancake batter, you don’t need to follow exact measurements.