What It Means To Be A Lady

To be a lady.jpg

I recently had a heart to heart conversation with one of my best girl friends, Kiran Corneille. She’s truly been a Lifeship partner, friend and cheerleader for over the past 10 years. You know the kind of person who can see things in you that you cannot see in yourself, allows you to shed the tears in your most vulnerable moments, and constantly reminds you that you have a mission to complete and its partly because of her I keep going. I simply love her.

In the conversation I shared, I felt I was a part of a dying breed of women. She asked me to explain more. Which I did, I expounded on how I felt my thought process was out dated and how it’s hard to change how you were raised. I can simply say, I was raised to be a lady; I’m very in touch with my femininity. I know in 2013 this sounds crazy, but I’m the woman who doesn’t want to go to the mailbox without her lipstick, dressed, and hair combed. Funny! The women who raised me were from the 30’s and 40’s era. When a woman would be dressed to the nines with a cocktail and her quellazaire, watching vaudeville shows, hitting the cotton club, and spending most of her 20’s in Europe. She epitomized elegance and grace and I looked up to her for that reason and many others. This was my life's influence...

An Ah-Ha moment arose when she said, “Oh Honey, it’s okay. You have to realize that you were raised by an older mother, and her generation cherished being a lady and she simply passed it on to you.” I promise you, in that moment a light bulb went off and my entire life made sense. All the choices I made, why I seemed so mature compared to my peers, why I chose my attire so carefully, and my thought process on how I present myself to others. Everything in that moment made my life's journey make sense. I understood, and the explanation brought me clarity.

As result of our conversation, I asked Kiran to be a guest on AndreaSmoak.com

Introducing Kiran Corneille of Genuine Elegance by K.

It all started with a quote..."I often wonder if more girls were willing to be ladies, more guys would feel challenged to be gentleman." - Unknown

Let's think about that for a moment shall we?...

When I think of how a Lady sets the tone in her home; and if it's disorganized when company arrives, they don't leave and say - HE - keeps such a messy home. Of course not! It would be - SHE - who keeps a messy home in their eyes. We have a strong influence over how someone may view our families. Just look at our first lady Michelle Obama...she played a monumental role in the election of our president. 

A Lady is looked to first, because there is a silent power that lies beneath her surface. She knows how to use her power and will help her Gentleman advance in life. A wise Gentleman knows this, and will make sure he takes care of his Lady. He knows that by putting her first, he is putting himself first.

Speaking of silent power; my mind always goes to Anne Boleyn. She was the second wife of Henry VIII, and it is because of their marriage Henry VIII broke ties with the Pope so he could end his first marriage to Catherine of Aragon to marry Anne. This was the beginning of the English Reformation; and how we have the King James Version of the Bible we read today.  Anne knew she needed to keep her legs closed to the man who gets everything he wants; so she could get what she wanted...Him. But Anne's misuse of her silent power got herself beheaded in the end. 

The guys feel no need to pull out the Gentleman card anymore, because we no longer challenge them to do so. We really should reconsider what we tolerate. We should reconsider how we carry ourselves. We do train people how to treat us...by how we treat ourselves. Gentleman will fall in love with women who have already fallen in-love with themselves.  

Well, there is one Lady I know who is willing to challenge; and that would be Andrea Smoak. This Lady has it together, and is oh so feminine. I used to scratch my head at how in this day and age she knew how to carry herself in such a way? Was it because she was from the South?...No, because my other girlfriends from the South did not have the Ladylike qualities she had. Then I had an "Aha" moment...Andrea's Mother was older when she had her. Therefore she was from the era where being a Lady was not a lost art. Andrea was cultivated in being a Lady from an early age, and often set apart from her peers. I believe it was such a blessing, because she can bring that into our era. We ladies just need to pick up the torch she is passing.

I have a Pinterest Board called "Dapper Don" and it is full of everything that resembles what a Gentleman is to me. I realized just how much I loved to see a Man in a well tailored suit, and a smoking pipe. As I started pinning that board it became even more of an obsession, and then it hit me...I wonder if this is how Men feel when they see an elegant Woman dressed to the nines? Or when she wears lingerie to bed instead of that rag?... It must be!

I believe we are both crying out for one another to step it up. Now, I know that being a Lady has much more to do with her character than clothing, but it just tops it all off. It is like the gift wrap around that beautiful present inside. A lot of times we never thought to buy the object we kept passing in the store...then someone hands it to you in a beautifully wrapped box. You see where I am going with this, right? 

Our first order of business is to start at home. Even if you are single (I am single by the way), you can begin to draw out the elegant lady you are within. We can start with sleeping more elegantly by wearing something that looks pretty and feels pretty to you. Yes you are home, but that does not mean your hair is a hot mess! Pull it back in a nice chignon, and put on a little lip gloss. A few dabs of perfume and for heaven’s sake some lotion too. You should feel and smell good to you. If you have a Gentleman or not, what matters is how YOU feel. Treat yourself like a lady first, and then everyone else will follow.

Thank you for allowing me to spend time with you. 

Kiss Kiss, 


Sidebar: In my own honesty, I really felt these emotions when I moved to the DC area and the women I met were so career driven, which I love, but there priorities were always career first. Most neglected themselves and didn’t realize they were taken on strong male qualities. From their look to their strength they are hard; hard to the core. This is my experience and by no means am I speaking for every woman in this area. I feel we need woman in powerful positions, but please don’t loose yourself while doing so. 

Live Life in Color

Photos: Via Pinterest